"You bop me with one more can, kid, and I’ll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil!"
Description: Macaulay Culkin as Kevin McCallister defends his house from invading burglars in the motion picture Home Alone (1990).
Kevin McCallister is an 8-year-old boy from Chicago. He lives in Winnetka, Illinois with a large family of brothers and sisters, but would prefer to live alone, mainly because, being the youngest and smallest of the brood he is constantly ignored or abused by his siblings.
- "Kevin, you're completely helpless!" - Megan McCallister
- "You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompetents. - Linnie McCallister
- "Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula" - Buzz McCallister
- "Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?" - Buzz McCallister
- "Kevin, you are SUCH a DISEASE!" - Jeff McCallister
- "Look what you DID, you little JERK. - Frank McCallister
When the family decides to vacation in Paris during the Christmas holiday. The night before they go to the airport, Kevin acts up and makes trouble, and so his mother orders him upstairs to a third story room for the night.
|Kevin McCallister:||Everyone in this family "hates" me!|
|Kate McCallister:||Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.|
|Kevin McCallister:||I don't want another family. I don't want any family. Families suck!|
|Kate McCallister:||Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.|
|Kevin McCallister:||"I" don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't want to see anybody else either.|
|Kate McCallister:||I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.|
|Kevin McCallister:||No, I wouldn't.|
|Kate McCallister:||Then say it again. Maybe it will happen.|
|Kevin McCallister:||I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!|
During the night there is a power failure which resets the alarm clocks and causes the family to oversleep. When the family wakes, they realize they are behind schedule and rush to the airport, but in doing so they forget that Kevin is still sleeping upstairs on the third floor. As the McCallister's board the plane for Paris, Kevin wakes up and realizes his family is gone.
Meanwhile, Kevin's mother discovers Kevin missing ("KEVIN!") and immediately attempts to find a flight home to her little boy. Kate calls the Chicago police to check on Kevin, but the cops find no sign of Kevin and dismiss Kate's frantic phone call as a hoax and leave.
Finally alone, Kevin can do whatever he wants and so he jumps on beds, fires Buzz's BB gun, trashes Buzz's bed room, sledding down the staircase, and binges on junk food.
"Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen." - Kevin McCallister
Kevin also watches a lot of TV, including a black and white film about two gangsters named Johnny and Snakes. Kevin uses the film's soundtrack to motivate the pizza delivery guy to run away in fear when he believes there is a madman with a machine gun in Kevin's house. The end result: Kevin gets a tasty, hot pizza delivered for free.
|Johnny:||Who is it?|
|Snakes:||It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.|
|Johnny:||Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.|
|Snakes:||All right, Johnny, but what about my money?|
|Snakes:||Acey said you had some dough for me.|
|Johnny:||That a fact? How much do I owe ya?|
|Snakes:||Acey said 10%.|
|Johnny:||Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.|
|Snakes:||What do ya mean?|
|Johnny:||He's upstairs takin' a bath. He'll call you when he gets out.[pause] Hey, I tell ya what I'm gonna give YOU, Snakes. [pulls out machine gun] I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my PROPERTY before I pump your guts full of lead!|
|Snakes:||All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm goin'!|
|Johnny:||1... 2... 10! [fires Tommy gun and laughs maniacally] Keep the change, ya filthy animal!|
After a while, the joy of being alone wanes, as Kevin starts to imagine all sorts of dangers lurking outside of his house. Down the street lives an old man named Marley (Roberts Blossom) who is rumored to have killed his family, and in the neighborhood, Kevin discovers there are burglars robbing homes vacated for the holidays. And so to soothe his spirit Kevin goes to church and says a prayer.
"This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. No toys, nothing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie, and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And in a few years time, my Uncle Frank. Okay?" - Kevin McCallister
As Kevin prays, Mr. Marley, the alleged strange old man down the street approaches and starts up a conversation. He says, "Merry Christmas" and tells Kevin he came to church to hear his granddaughter sing in the choir. Kevin soon learns the rumors about Mr. Marley are unfounded and that he is really a nice man. Kevin also learns that Mr. Marley is estranged from his family, and Kevin suggests he reconnect with them and set things straight.
Having made his peace with Mr. Marley and God, Kevin returns home and rigs his house with a variety of makeshift booby-traps to protect his home from the burglars, should they decide to break into his house. And, of course, they do and Kevin puts up a valiant battle to thwart their entry. "This is my house and I have to defend it!"
|Harry:||Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone.|
|Marv:||Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It's Santy Claus... and his elf!|
|Harry:||We're not gonna hurt you.|
|Marv:||Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you.|
"So how do you want to get in?" asks Marv. Harry answers, "We'll go thru the back. Maybe the kid will let us in, you never know." Marv replies, "Yeah. He's a kid. Kids are stupid." Harry mocks, "And so are you."
As the burglars gain access to the McCallister home, Kevin trips his booby-traps and inflicts a lot of pain on the intruders. His traps include: iced-down steps; BB gun pellets; swinging paint cans; shards of broken glass; greasy cellar stairs embedded with nails, tripwires, red-hot-doorknobs, hot flat irons and blow torches to the head. Kevin even uses the machine gun soundtrack of the gangster film to frighten the burglars away.
But, in the end, the two burglars get the upper hand. Frightened, Kevin retreats to the empty house next door, but Harry and Marv pursue, capture Kevin and hang him on a hook on the back of the basement door. As Kevin dangles, the burglars ponder what they are going to do to the boy.
|Marv:||What are we gonna do to him, Harry?|
|Harry:||We'll do exactly what he did to us: we're gonna burn his head with a blowtorch!|
|Marv:||And smash his face with an iron!|
|Harry:||How about we slap him in the face with a paint can!|
|Marv:||Or shove a nail through his foot!|
|Harry:||First thing I'm gonna do is to bite off every one of these little fingers, one at a time...|
While Harry and Marv focus on ways to get even with Kevin for all the things he did to them, old man Marley, sneaks up from behind and smashes Harry and Marv in the head with a shovel and knocks them out. Then he lifts Kevin off the hook, takes him home and calls the police who carry the burglars away. As the police haul Harry and Marv, Harry is proud to publicize the fact that he and Marv were known as the "Wet Bandits" because after they robbed a home they turned on the water and flooded out the place.
On Christmas morning, Kevin awakes and finds he is still alone, but suddenly he hears the voice of his mother. She finally made it home. The two hug and reconcile their differences as the rest of the family appears at the front door. Kevin is overjoyed to see them. Across the street, Kevin waves at Mr. Marley who had also reconciled with his family and all is good in the world until his brother shouts, "Kevin, what did you do to my room?" Of course, Kevin runs for cover.
Note: The Home Alone franchise continued with the sequels Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Home Alone 3 (1997); Home Alone 4 (TV 2002); and Home Alone: The Holiday Heist (TV 2012).
In the sequel Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) the McCallister's go on vacation and once again leave Kevin behind, but this time he is lost in New York City.
Ever resourceful, Kevin uses his father's credit card and checks into the Plaza Hotel where he asks for "an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key." He also runs up a room service bill of $976.00.
While wandering the streets of the Big Apple, Kevin encounters Harry and Marv (now known as "the Sticky Bandits") who recently broke out of prison. This time around instead of robbing homes, they rob a toy store (Duncan's Toy Chest). Of course, Kevin can't allow that and so he puts a monkey wrench in their scheme.
|Harry:||We spent nine months in jail, thinking we had the worst luck in the universe. We were wrong, little buddy.|
|Marv:||We're busted out of the clink and we're doing fine. We're going to be doing even better. Because we're not robbing houses anymore. Now we're robbing toy stores. At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest. Five floors of cash. Then after that we get a couple of phony passports then it's off to Rio...|
|Harry:||Marv! Marv! You want to shut up?|
|Marv:||What's the difference? He's not going to talk to anyone. Except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker.|
At one point, Harry tells Kevin, “I’ve got a gun in my pocket. You open your mouth and you’ll be spitting gum out through your forehead.” Kevin pays the bandits back by hitting them in the head with a volley of bricks and wrenches.
- Home Alone (1990) - IMDB
- Home Alone: Lost in New York (1992) - IMDB
- Home Alone 3 (1997) - IMDB
- Home Alone 4 (TV 2002) - IMDB
- Home Alone: The Holiday Heist (TV 2012) - IMDB